Give your cat the F L O A T I N G J U D G E M E N T B O X to allow them to stare at your half finished work from afar
Don’t get married in an attempt to fix your relationship problems.
If you break up with somebody, stay broken up.
It’s rare for your “first love” to actually be “the one”.
For guys, losing your virginity (if you’re so inclined) won’t fix your life problems. It might give you a little bit of a confidence boost, but that’s about it.
Getting roommates makes renting an apartment much easier financially.
Getting food stamps is easy if you’re a good liar.
College is more stress (and money) than it’s worth. Join the job corp. or something.
If you’re looking for a first job: Find a convenience store and apply there. Especially if it’s a chain store. People are always quitting because they move on to other stores. After working at a convenience store for about 6 months to 1 year, you can try applying at places like Fred Meyer’s/Kroeger’s, which have a union and will guarantee you a wage that’s substantially better than the convenience store.
"Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit."
Be willing to work the shift that nobody else wants: Graveyard.
Learn to cook. Nobody wants to eat boxed Mac&Cheese and ramen for their whole life.
Old Spice “Wolfthorn” is the best smelling body wash/deodorant/shampoo you will ever buy.
If you spray copious amounts of AXE (or any body spray really) on yourself after smoking weed, you only make it MORE obvious that you were smoking weed. AXE is powerful, so you really don’t need that much.
Partying doesn’t have to be dozens of people dancing to loud music and kegs of beer. Partying can also be like 5-6 close friends, some vodka/rum, and a game of “Never Have I Ever…” where you take shots whenever someone says something you’ve done. It’ll also be much more interesting.
You’re never too old for Go-karts, laser tag, mini golf, or arcade games.
Learn how to build computers. Building your own is always better than buying one factory-made. There are factory-made computers that cost upwards of $10,000 dollars that you can build yourself for $6000 or less.
If you ever get to a point in life where you’re begging someone for a beer, or stealing it, you need to reevaluate your life.
If it’s warm most of the time, find a way to air-dry your clothes. Especially if you live in an apartment complex. It’ll save you money on drying them.
Speaking of which: Learn to do laundry properly. Not knowing how to do your laundry can result in all your clothes getting shrunk, discolored, or otherwise damaged. Bare minimum to know: Colored clothes usually use cold water. Whites use hot water. If a piece of clothing is mostly white, but has colored details on it, it goes with the whites.
That’s what I’ve got.
He was almost President.
This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.
You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.
I’m grossed out by the kind of stuff tumblr does to its users over an extended period of time
Grammar and punctuation is completely lost on some people, to the point where their posts are unreadable and irritating
And tumblr fosters and feeds this incredible narcissism and need to impress people- people who don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
"I saw this elderly gentleman dining by himself, with an old picture of a lady in front of him. I though maybe I could brighten his day by talking to him.
As I had assumed, she was his wife. But I didn’t expect such an interesting story. They met when they were both 17. They dated briefly, then lost contact when he went to war and her family moved. But he said he thought about her the entire war. After his return, he decided to look for her. He searched for her for 10 years and never dated anyone. People told him he was crazy, to which he replied “I am. Crazy in love”. On a trip to California, he went to a barber shop. He told the barber how he had been searching for a girl for ten years. The barber went to his phone and called his daughter in. It was her! She had also been searching for him and never dated either.
He proposed immediately and they were married for 55 years before her death 5 years ago. He still celebrates her birthday and their anniversary. He takes her picture with him everywhere and kisses her goodnight.
Some inspiring things he said;
"I was a very rich man. Not with money, but with love"
"I never had a single argument with my wife, but we had lots of debates"
"People are like candles. At any moment a breeze can blow it out, so enjoy the light while you have it."
"Tell your wife that you love her everyday. And be sure to ask her, have I told you that I love you lately?"
Be sure to talk to the elderly. Especially strangers. You may think that you will brighten their day, but you may be surprised that they can actually brighten yours.”
This is beautiful.
this is wonderful and amazing and one of the reasons i volunteer with old people
ah yes i have finally found it
the g spot
my textbook and i have a lot in common
Bats illuminated by lightning
THIS IS WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE.
This is actually really cool
is this martin freeman and benedict cumberbatch